I have this clinical instructress who often criticizes me about my body size. She does that every time I come to her for my return demonstration.
At first, I was taking it just fine, but as time passes by, it created a big stir on me.
I don’t know why she picks on me, what her motives are or it’s just “her”.
Alright, I am aware that i do not have that whistle bait figure, i do not have that supermodel type of body, but hey, I do not ask my food from her and I do not owe her anything, she isn’t even that efficient as a teacher.
I just dislike the way she puts a stress on my body, as it appears like she is so absofuckinglutely beautiful.
I dislike her messiahnic complex and the last time she did that thing to me, I gave her a stern and sharp look.
I do not exactly know what I did to her; I do not even feel that she has something against on me. If that is her “way” of joking, well, it doesn’t sell on me.
Nobody has ever done that thing on me as all of those whom I have met are professionals in their own rights. We even aren’t very good friends and even my closest buds do not pick on me the way she does.
I just hope she knows what it feels and I hope she practice what she preach.
They’d often tell the class to never be judgmental and consider the person’s history.
If she would have been more empathizing and decisive, she would have first asked what I went through.
I just wonder what if she finds out that I am battling with bulimia nervosa and her way of treating me triggers me to returning to that dilemma again?

Nevertheless, my 190- 5’7 built doesn’t hinder me from capturing my dreams; and although I am a work in progress, I do not see it as a hindrance. And for all I care, I have a love life, I have a sex life and I have a beautiful child.

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I cannot and I will not lie down and kneel before my life. I cannot and I will not let the destiny that life has dealt me be the only destiny worth living for. I am I, you are you, we are distinct and we are individuals. I will carve my own destiny and I will dream my own dreams. I will walk bare footed through the warm golden sand, sleep naked under the stars and listen to the sea as it lashes against the rocks of hypocrisy. I will let the wind play with my hair and be at one with nature. This is my island and it is called hope.

As long as I am alive I have hope there is a chance, there is a dream to be fulfilled and a life worth living. I aspire not for wealth, for success, to conquer lands or the minds of men but seek refugee in conquering myself. I seek refugee in the hope of touching the stars in the blackness of the night. I ask for the courage to confront my greatest enemy, myself. I ask for the courage to help me to realize the potential that burns within my soul.

As I walk along my island of hope, alone, with merely my thoughts and the sound of my beating heart who have I become and what am I to become? As the sun sets on the horizon, there is calm all around me. The day nears to an end and slowly the sky goes black. Through the darkness appear the glittering eyes of the world and they gaze down at me, the moon smiles at me yet I am I. An eagle flies above me with its wings of hope spread wide into the vastness and emptiness of the ocean in front of me.I am finally at peace with my soul.

My island, which I have strove to seek all my life, is now within my grasp. I have arrived. My island is a place of non-attachment and non-possession. It is a place of calmness where the pains of yesterday are but a distant memory. I have courage within my heart to face my ultimate destiny. As it looks at me, I smile at it. I no longer fear that which I once feared, I no longer yearn for more but am content with what I have gained; I no longer yearn for a life of the past. I look at the demons within me and I have defeated them and they have not defeated me.

I have finally conquered myself. I now embrace my island without regret and walk into my destiny. I have been born, I have lived, I have loved and been loved, I have failed and succeeded, and I have forgiven. There is nothing more for me to do. I have become what I essentially was at birth, myself. I close my eyes and my soul transpires out of my body and takes me to a higher level of existence. I leave the pains of the world and embrace the wonders of what lie in front of me. A teardrop falls from my soul into the ocean, that is how it was created. I cease to exist.

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tomorrow, being a holiday is no excuse for me to bury myself in books and nursing procedures reviewers.
For the past 9 months, I have been extremely busy with school and each day, pressure rises. The routine is basically the same everyday and it is as if, life should revolve around Kozier, Taylor etc.
Toxicity is a staple word for every second courser in our school, but I tell you it is fun.
Imagine a class of 21 students, all of whom are second coursers, each possessing different traits and intelligence, and all professionals in their own respective careers. There is a registered medical technologist, teachers, electronics and communications engineer, accountants, licensed pharmacist, an interior designer, a HRM grad, businessmen and women and I, a psychologist.
We all enrolled for another course for the very sole reason of finding that exodus towards a better pasture, a greener one, I must say. And when I say a greener pasture, I just do not refer to the financial aspects but also to the other facets of life.
Each day is a struggle as we have to squeeze in to every new concept and strive hard to make all informations get stored into our minds and be able to practice and apply each skill critically from assessment to evaluation and knowledge in every clinical exposure.
We get to deal with different people, from all walks of life and sometimes, patience is tested along with your ability to be stay tough every time you get to see dying and less fortunate patients.
The road towards salvation is not that easy but every moment is precious and demands are too much. Working on a tri-semester schedule with all the workload (not mentioning the things that need to be done at home as we are all married) is scorching.
One needs to work triple hard because you cannot expect the teachers to be teaching you everything as the phasing is so very fast and so, there is a need to read and study in advance.
Anyway, the road maybe hard and pressure filled but it would not last long. What I wish for is for everyone to pass the course and all licensure exams both local and international so we can head on towards that deliverance.

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